Happy Duwali Mr Kumar, yes its Ram...

So

Today it was extremely raining, cold and awful blustery.  The first true taste of winter, something that I swallow each year with more and more disdain.  Winter always mixes my emotions because I often find myself slightly more tired (as Im sure everyone does) and less willing to go out and have fun.  However, beer during winter is always great, and there are always a few nights each December that provide lasting memories.  For instance, last winter I distinctly recall a night where we were drinking at Josh's girlfriends house and we decided to play a game.  Well first first first, we decided that we needed some Tequila so me and cheryl and josh and meg went to the liquor store where I bought a bottle of cuervo on sale for 20 dollars (if you paid in cash) we went and picked up lipstein and decided 'We need another bottle of tequila' so back to the liquor store we went.  However, upon arrival we discovered that Cuervo was now 22 dollars and that the sale was over.  We bought a cheaper brand.  Anyway, Cheryl, already fiesty from our adventure to the liquor store was in fine form.  The game consisted of breaking up into teams.  Each team made a list of things that someone on the other team would do often and then had their list to another team. So for instance Team 1 made a list about Team 2 and then handed their list to Team 3.  Anyway, it was quite ridiculous and slightly offensive, I recall a rule being "Everytime Liza Gets Defensive." Which she does quite often, I think Liza will come up often on this blog.  I also recall (and confirmed on facebook) my girlfriend looking extremely hot, not that thats out of the ordininary but i think she brought the big ones to the party.  Anyway I reallly remember how Cheryl was this particular evening, she was extremely touchy feely grabbing everyone lol im pretty sure she got to 2nd base on me as well as everyone else there. Sadly this post is going to lose steam because i dont remember many specifics other than it was a mad fun night.  Maybe i got laid after, i probably didnt, Girlfriend probably fell asleep.  Either way, those friends of mine are pretty wacky but they are really good people i really enjoy their company.

Right now Jappy has been making fun of Ram by making a list of reasons why he is gay on our door. and, Ram is my roommate, hes slightly unsufferable,  for instance, to try to be cute I watched half an episode of Gossip Girl last night.  Ram watched too. He has now been watching Gossip girl Non stop, asking me questions about how girls interact with boys,and then when i Offer my opinion he ignores it.

Example

(note this example is real but way less offensive than it reads because Ram has a very girly persona and an extremely non threatening voice.  Put 2 drinks in Cheryl and she could knock his ass out.)

Ram: Why do girls always like to play games

Cliff: Wellllll I think it goes back to chicks wanting attention, and liking to feel wante....

Ram: Oh. Well I think its that girls mature slower than guys and are not able to process emotions or handle real responsibilities

Cliff: Um I think i disagree

Ram: For instance if a girl talked to Me like gossip girls maybe id slap her

Cliff: Wow

Ram: I just think girls repeat themselves

Cliff: ::headphones on::

There will be more Ram stories coming Im sure.

But anyway I guess as this day winds down and I have to excuse myself to do homework, and think of charming things to say to certain people, I have winter to think of, and while it'll be cold I think I have more wacky Cheryl moments, more ultra hot girlfriend time and more time with Ram.

I think my right middle finger knuckle is broken.

xoxo 

C.Legend

I am Legend, Cliff.

Hello There,

This being my first blog entry I think I shall take a moment to introduce myself to the audience.  My name is Cliff Legend, well not really but I think that it would be inappropriate for me to really divulge who I am because if you really know who I am then maybe you wouldn't be able to read this and get any substance or interest from it.  I think that's a big flaw in how people operate, everyone is looking for the alterior motive in everyones actions, "where are people coming from?" Everyone wonders.  I wonder if this began in the middle ages, when the Kings raised taxes did all the peasants say, "Shit dude, He probably is feeling lousy about himself so he needs to take it out on us. His wife put on like 14 pounds and he can't even get wireless service in the castle to watch sweet Dark Ages interweb porn."  I doubt it.  My theory is that this 'reading in between the lines' began when away messages started becoming prevelant.  Anyone who's ever had a crush on someone in the digital age knows all about reading into away messages.  "Aw Dude, shes using the quote from Dashboard Confessional" I recall myself thinking..."She must be sad about Something" and then that would translate to me or whomever I was consulting all torn up about something they may or may not have said to the girl in question. The worst was the disapearance tho.  I can recall many many occasions being in the heat of a flirty conversation and saying something that was particularly clever or maybe a little bit of a boundry pusher of a joke and then all of a sudden shed be gone.  It would go down like this

Hotchick653: You are sooo funnay, I Do wear that type of underwear

CliffLegend: Ha Ha, Maybe one day i could see that underwear on you LOL?

Then there would be like 2 minutes of silence

during which i would pace around, omg did i just offend her?

CliffLegend: Ha ha ha sooo

Then another 3 minutes would pass.  I'd probably be sweating at this point.

CliffLegend: Hello???????????????

But then. As if a gift from God.

  Hotchick653 is now considered idle

And Id be like PHEW, She just stepped away.  But all this stress from not knowing what is going on really plays havoc on a 15 year old boys mind. And thus I began reading into what people are thinking.

Now-a-days, I, personally don't really sweat the AIM demons like that, my girlfriend is far too upfront about things.  Which leads to a whole other set of issues. Example.

CliffLegend: Hey baby whats up? are you lookin Cute?

MsLegend653: Im soooooooo busy, so much work, Do Not Want homework. i do not have time for your sheninanigans

CliffLegend: Ha Ha, maybe one day I can see that underwear on you LOL

MsLegend653: OMG IM TRYING TO GET MY ULTRA DOCTORATE AND MY BOYFRIENDS A FUNCTIONING RETARD.

(Ms Legend is big on Caps lock.)

So this leads me into my 2nd point, how to know when to stop.

While I often break this rule, as exampled above, my girlfriend has to put up with me, it does not behoove the single female or male to press too hard with a person that they are interested in.

I present 3 simple rules to Always Be Smooth.

Rule 1. Listen, think of things that are interesting to Them and then get them talking about it.  Me, for instance, I like to talk about how awesome I am, so a good way to get into my Michigan T shirt is ask a question like "Do you know anyone who is really awesome?"  "Does your awesomeness come naturally or did you have to work at it?"  

Rule 2. Don't talk shit about their friends unless they do it first.  Never want to offend/alienate/harass someone as you are trying to court them and people are very defensive about their friends because they reflect directly on them in most cases.  And just a helpful tip, if you hate someone you like's friends and they see something positive in them, maybe you are not as smart as you think you are mister.

Rule 3. Dont Jerk off when you're talking to someone online unless specifically asked to.

Seriously.

Soooo the same AIM conversation properly done would be

CliffLegend: Hey baby, what up, are you looking cute??

MsLegend653: Omg I am soooo busy, so much work, DO NOT want Homework, I do not have time for your sheninangians.

CliffLegend: Oh Im so sorry to hear that you feel that way, What type of work do you have? Is it for school?

MsLegend653: OMG IM TRYING TO GET MY ULTRA DOCTORATE AND MY BOYFRIEND IS A FUNCTIONING RETARD

(Should have noted that even if you follow the rules correctly if you're stupid they wont help you much.)

Anyway, I hope this is a decent start, I generally don't put out on a first date but hey. Maybe this blogging will turn into a quite decent career.

xoxo 

C.Legend