Get Some.

Its late.

I just registered for extra classes.

To me the problem with life is that it is always about what people do not know.  The news is all about How are things going to get worse, how are things going to get better, how things will change.  As a college student I find my friends and I are constantly worried over what is coming next, will we find a good job? Will this work pay off? This the person we are involved with now the one?  But I was thinking in the shower today if someone told me that in 5 years I would land a job that paid me 200k for 35 years, that I would be happy with what I do, and told me who my wife would be that life would be so much less fun.  We read because we want to learn, we learn because we want to evaluate our situations and make better decisions in order to improve our standing.  However, if your goals are fuzzy or unfocused one doesn't really know what to try to learn or improve about oneself.  

I look mad good in sunglasses.  I also am extremely confused and sort of in love.

There will be a lighter post later.

xoxo

R.

Jacket Off

Hello Loyal Reader.

Today in exciting news I got a NEW JACKET!  It is an early present for the miracle of Hannukah. Mark and I went to some store in town today and he put on his "Im a Business Man" face so all the salesmen out there know he means business.  He directed me towards multiple suits that had colors and checks and stripes but i couldn't see any of them very well because I refused to take off my sunglasses.  This led me in the direction of the black jackets and this encounter

Sales Man: Helloooooo ::touches shoulder:: how are you?

Ryan: Ah Hello...

Sales Man:  I am super ::hand still on shoulder:: what can i do for you today

Ryan: Jacket please.

Sales Man: GREAT We have Lots of jackets! What kind of jacket can i get for you?

Ryan: Anything that matches my sunglasses I think.

SalesMan: Welllllllll how about This ::pulls out yellow jacket::

Mark: Ha ha! Well Ryan Then Everyone Will Know When Youre Around You can HEARR that jacket! Ha Ha!

Salesman: I can hear the jacket too! It says YOU WILL LOOK GREAT IN ME!

Ryan: Black please.

Anyway I got a black cashmere blazer and its probably the greatest thing ever.  Probably not the greatest thing ever is how tired Ive been feeling.  But I got alot of compliments yesterday from old friends with how good I look now, which makes me feel like my hardwork is paying off.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend and a g***t a***m*

xoxo

R.

Harry Potter Redux Part Eins

Ello Poppett. So its Friday and I have nothing to do except contemplate life and the mysteries that come with it.  I might go out with Adeige11 and wbackman tonight, maybe Tidal wave or maybe Cheryl but until then I will be writing in here.  UPDATE: Apparently im going to a swim meet.

So anyway, I've been thinking about the Twilight series which I have not read because it sounds kinda gay but that led me to think about Harry Potter, and how much time I spent reading about his adventures and STupid Mistakes.  I've decided to summarize the books here that way no one has to read them everr again.

Book 1: Harry Potter and the Magic Rock:  Harry sleeps under the stairs in a lil room and I don't understand why he didnt just run away or call British Child Services or something. Then he gets infinity chain letters from Dumbledore which say COME TO HOGWARTS WE HAVE BUTTER BEER AND MOVING STAIRS!!  (my favorite part was the changing ceilings tho having ghosts in the house would be fun too, one time I saw a ghost but thats a story for another day.) That was enough for Mr. Dudley to move the family, and then Hagrid showed up and shook the house.  At this point Harry should have realized he was in for biggg trouble when a Giant shows up at the house with an umbrella.   Then stuff happens at Hogwarts like Hermonie and Ron (who has red hair and would never be able to hit i with Emma watson) have sexual tension but Ron is a non closer.  They also meet the greatest magician of all time Dumbledore who takes an extreme interest in Harry because apparently everyone in Magic World has a fetish for scars (and as we learn in a later book is interested in working on other peoples wands hint hint).  We also meet Snape who turns out to be the creepiest teacher EVER, like Ms Hibbard but the worst.  His issue stems from a bad hair cut and lack of extra curricular activities in high school.  Its always important to have extra curriculars.  Then some professor wearing a turban turns out to be a sneakster for Voldemort and Harry potter is the only one who is smart enough to say "HEY everyone! Lets check this guys Turban!" Oh Also! There was a magic Mirror which showed everyone exactly what they wanted (Dumbeldore wanted a new pair of socks mmmm socks) But like obviously JK Rawly was never a 7th grade boy because if I looked in the mirror as a 7th grade boy i would have been kissing a girl because in 7th grade thats pretty much All I thought about.  Anyway Harry Potter saved the day by saying Expecto Protronum and there was much Butter Beer for everyone until the next book.  Oh also, Dumbledore always ends every book with like a creepy 3 hour talk with Harry alone.  Discussing all the things that have happened but meanwhile just fantazising about his scar obviously.  Dumbledore is all about these fireside chats but if he had read YMCA protocal he would know that you are Never supposed to be alone 1 on 1 with a child because if they call rape then you are mad guilty.

PS it is hear that I also discovered that in the movie the spells shooting out of wands look like mad orgasm

Book 2: Harry Potter goes into the Girls Shower.  Ok So it was about this time when I thought that maybe Harry Potter was a bit of a narcissict.  It always seemed to me that Everything is always about him, and Ron is like his enabler.  Like Harrys all like Am I good at broomstick soccer? and Rons all like Harry Youre the best! Meanwhile Hermonie is all I want to go to Ivy League Wizardy School so she does allllll her homework while Ron is all trying to phingerbang her in the Wizardy Library.  All this sexual tension in Hogwarts causes Ginny Weasley(Rons hot lil sister) to feel very uncomfortable so she begins to write in a diary.  This diary turns out to be a Trick diary because it writes back, us experienced diary writers know that only on the rarest occasions do diaries actually respond.  So anyway people start getting stolen and some girl gets paralyzed by a big snake because the snakes eyes are very scary.  Sooooooo Harry, being focused on getting himself all the attention decided to figure out where the Chamber of Secret is.  He discovers this because for fun Harry Potter goes to the Nice girls bathroom with an awesome shower late at night.  There he hangs out with a ghost nicknamed Moaning Myrtle.  Are you joking JK?  Harry Is going to the Girls bathroom late at night and hanging out with someone Known for their Moaning? Anyway.  (Weird sexual things are a theme in harry potter.)  Harry Potter gets Into the chamber of Secret (um euphamism much?)  with his trusty side kicks.  In there he battles a huge 1 eyed Snake (um euphamism much?) to save Ginny "Ill Snog Harry through out books 6-7" Weasley.  All is right in the wizardy world after the snake has been slain but I have a feeling that something bad happens at least 4 or 5 more times.  

"YOull never know LOVE or FRIENDSHIP and I feel Sorry for you!"-Harry 'mad corny' Potter

Anyway, I have to go work out but I'll do other books later because I'm sure I'll be bored.  Its been real.

Pixies beeping I gotta go.

xoxo

R.

Busted

sharkeyes: I'm only home for like a week will I see u?

moosey50b: Ohhh you know, the Hannukah Holiday...pretty important as I said earlier

sharkeyes: Really? Ryan. Ur not going to see me cuz U have to light Candles?

moosey50b: Ohh uh we have latkes too...maybe driedel

sharkeyes: U stink. seriously.

I bought new cologne.

it was girl approved.

However...

I tried to pronouce it with the V in the name the women there looked at me quite strangely. note to self: get more cultured.

R.

Santa Looks like My Rabbi

Gotentag motherfuckers. Its winter break today now that I've finished my last final exam but all did not go smoothly this morning.  I woke up at 6:17am which was 3 minutes past what my alarm was set for so in a rush I threw off my pajamas, threw on socks, jeans and a tshirt and ran downstairs to go.  Now, like most things I do frequently I have a ritual about it.  When I go online I check my facebook, collegefootballnews.com, wwtdd.com and then perhaps my email, when I drive it goes car on, music, seatbelt and when I have sex it goes fingerbangin, blowjob, doggy style, so it shouldn't surprise any of my loyal readers that when I get dressed it goes Boxers, Socks, Jeans, Tshirt.  So anyway, I grab my big jacket, the keys to my trusty dark blueish land rover and run outside forgetting A.Im wearing a leather jacket and its pouring B.my project that I had to hand in and C.My Cd case and D.Underwear.  Upon reaching the first step of the porch and realizing that my jeans are rubbing uncomfortably close to a certain part of my anatomy that I cherish I realize my mistake and run back for the door. However, in my haste to grab the keys to leave I somehow managed to knock the house key from the loop.  This left me with the prospect of waking up Mark and Gill (that would not be a pleasant Hello Boys and Girls) or just free ballin my way to my phinal.  I chose the latter.  This was quite uncomfortable because I dont know if you, my loyal readers, have had experience wearing jeans without underwear but it is not pleasant really especially if youve recently lost a bit of weight and your jeans are looser so your attachments never really stay in one place.  This brings me to the subject of how vital underwear is, some people I know prefer boxer briefs on guys they are very stupid.(and please what do loyal readers who only wear Big underwear know pshhh)  While boxer briefs provide security in the area they also can be too tight when a random erection occurs thus leaving oneself open to an embarrassment that I might have suffered while giving a French presentation in 6th grade during my brief boxer brief stage (ha! get it! brief!) anywayy boxers provide some security, but they are also comfortable and come with plenty of places to hide the ill timed erection also its like a lil treasure hunt when girls get down there.  Where is it hiding? Maybe later I'll discuss the merits of girls underwear.  As for what I'm doing during the first few days of winter break? I'm glad you asked.  I am seeing my friend Yvonne this afternoon and perhaps my friend Tidal Wave this evening, I have some reading to catch up on and I would like to do 1000 sit ups by Sunday.  But every 100 situps has to be in a different location.  I'll keep you posted.  Maybe I'll write again later today.

xoxo

R.A.H.

An early evening trip to 7-11

So

In front of me on the way home from 7-11, where I purchased M+ms, milk, and this funky eggnog thing (that I threw out on the way home because it was so Not quality EggNog), there were 3 girls, one with a tiny ass, one with a medium ass but with chubby legs and one with a gigantic ass but with tiny legs.  Gigantor and Medium were discussing science

G:Yeah but Im confused by Enthroby

M:Yeah, i dont think thast the word tho, its like things are crazy its like Endopy

G:No No im pretty sure its Enthroby, and its just how things goo crazyyy

M:Oh oh oh its Definitley Endopy

T(quietly): Guys I think you are talking about Enthropy. and its how everything heads to disorder

Totally a Jurassic Park fan.

Anyway this talk of enthropy got me thinking about how everything ultimately goes crazy, and nothing at all is predictable.  I mean you can try to prepare for some things, tests, having sex in the evening, Ram coming home but no matter what it is you really cant anticipate something that escaped your studying, your girlfriend biting and being turned off or Ram being really annoying (i guess thats kinda predictable).  I think the problem with all this craziness is that people expect things not to be.  Everyone has expectations of what is going to happen and when it doesn't happen its usually disappointing.  

I have much more to say.  Maybe later.

C

I hate Sno Patro

Its been a very sad few days and basically I have thought of 2 strategies to cope with it.  1. Drinking chocolate milk every time Im sad and 2.Write out a list of all the things that I will remember and miss about our relationship.  What follows is this list, maybe you'll miss some of these things too, maybe you'll want some of them back but if it fails there is always chocolate milk.

This is what I remember

I remember WEARING THE PANTS.

I remember the cab ride home from the Brazilian Resteraunt, where you wore the tight black dress and had a little bit of a glow as you grabbed my thigh in the backseat while talking about the cute circle bread.

I remember going to Morton Williams in the freezing cold to get candy and beer and then come back and play drinking games and listen to Girl Talk

I remember waking up in the morning after a lousy night sleep because I was bullied all night and never feeling better

I remember kissing and feeling that this moment was perfect until you said something totally irrelevant but totally cute.

I remember when you would get upset and I could tell you were crying online

I remember the map you drew me on the postcard.

I remember beating you to the tree

I remember staying up late on the phone to discuss world views and politics for 3 1/2 hours

I remember getting you a glass of water after we banged during winter break as you fell asleep on the couch

I remember all the online conversations that would begin with HIIII and end with YAYAYA

I remember HATTI

I remember you wanting to see my journal (I'd show you now.) 

I remember not being able to get off the phone each night because we said bye 32 times.

I remember your DO NOT TICKLE ME face

I remember when you touched the ceiling and then rassled me

I remember when we wandered around by NYU and decided to spoil dinner with Ice cream

I remember when you Imed me for the first time in Europe and said HEY STRAWBERRY

I remember cute fist

I remember your face when I gave you your valentines day card

I remember watching Pam and Jim with you

I remember trying to convince you to name our kid Voldemort. You liked Julian

I remember when you made me put my big wad of cash in the bank

I remember when you saw the Possum and loved it even tho it was really gross

I remember listening to The National and kissing you each night before I dropped you off

I remember trying to push you Into the River and excellent breakfast and the capybaras

I remember when we drove home spontaneously at 2 Am from NYC and talked about life and death and how I never felt closer to anyone

I remember when the waiter asked us if we were married

I remember size 32 waist

I remember you loving Vince Carter

I remember helping you pick out posters

I remember Maggie, and walking along to the delaware river and making out in moonlight

I remember No bra in the cubby but shoes are a must

I remember when you bought that thong for valentines day but only wore it once, instead opting for big underwear

I remember when you came in and wanted to hook up at Cheryls beach house but I fell asleep

I remember falling asleep when were locked in at Cheryls house in the 200 degree room

I remember show Ryan your boobs day on the calender

I remember Doutzen Kroes and Marat Safin being soooo dreamy

I remember having to Take you to Nature

I remember how you liked using caps lock

I remember having to talk about the enviornment Alottttt

I remember how much I love you

Whether we get back together now, or later, or now and break up again in 2 days, or never even talk again, I want you to know how great you are and how I had so much fun at your side.  I hope you'll realize that what we had was extremely rare and special but if you don't come back I want you to find happiness, no matter what.  I'll be just fine as long as you do what makes you happy.

Whenever I miss you, I will think of all the dresses you are going to wear. And how you will look so beautiful in every single one.

R.A.H.

Happy Duwali Mr Kumar, yes its Ram...

So

Today it was extremely raining, cold and awful blustery.  The first true taste of winter, something that I swallow each year with more and more disdain.  Winter always mixes my emotions because I often find myself slightly more tired (as Im sure everyone does) and less willing to go out and have fun.  However, beer during winter is always great, and there are always a few nights each December that provide lasting memories.  For instance, last winter I distinctly recall a night where we were drinking at Josh's girlfriends house and we decided to play a game.  Well first first first, we decided that we needed some Tequila so me and cheryl and josh and meg went to the liquor store where I bought a bottle of cuervo on sale for 20 dollars (if you paid in cash) we went and picked up lipstein and decided 'We need another bottle of tequila' so back to the liquor store we went.  However, upon arrival we discovered that Cuervo was now 22 dollars and that the sale was over.  We bought a cheaper brand.  Anyway, Cheryl, already fiesty from our adventure to the liquor store was in fine form.  The game consisted of breaking up into teams.  Each team made a list of things that someone on the other team would do often and then had their list to another team. So for instance Team 1 made a list about Team 2 and then handed their list to Team 3.  Anyway, it was quite ridiculous and slightly offensive, I recall a rule being "Everytime Liza Gets Defensive." Which she does quite often, I think Liza will come up often on this blog.  I also recall (and confirmed on facebook) my girlfriend looking extremely hot, not that thats out of the ordininary but i think she brought the big ones to the party.  Anyway I reallly remember how Cheryl was this particular evening, she was extremely touchy feely grabbing everyone lol im pretty sure she got to 2nd base on me as well as everyone else there. Sadly this post is going to lose steam because i dont remember many specifics other than it was a mad fun night.  Maybe i got laid after, i probably didnt, Girlfriend probably fell asleep.  Either way, those friends of mine are pretty wacky but they are really good people i really enjoy their company.

Right now Jappy has been making fun of Ram by making a list of reasons why he is gay on our door. and, Ram is my roommate, hes slightly unsufferable,  for instance, to try to be cute I watched half an episode of Gossip Girl last night.  Ram watched too. He has now been watching Gossip girl Non stop, asking me questions about how girls interact with boys,and then when i Offer my opinion he ignores it.

Example

(note this example is real but way less offensive than it reads because Ram has a very girly persona and an extremely non threatening voice.  Put 2 drinks in Cheryl and she could knock his ass out.)

Ram: Why do girls always like to play games

Cliff: Wellllll I think it goes back to chicks wanting attention, and liking to feel wante....

Ram: Oh. Well I think its that girls mature slower than guys and are not able to process emotions or handle real responsibilities

Cliff: Um I think i disagree

Ram: For instance if a girl talked to Me like gossip girls maybe id slap her

Cliff: Wow

Ram: I just think girls repeat themselves

Cliff: ::headphones on::

There will be more Ram stories coming Im sure.

But anyway I guess as this day winds down and I have to excuse myself to do homework, and think of charming things to say to certain people, I have winter to think of, and while it'll be cold I think I have more wacky Cheryl moments, more ultra hot girlfriend time and more time with Ram.

I think my right middle finger knuckle is broken.

xoxo 

C.Legend

I am Legend, Cliff.

Hello There,

This being my first blog entry I think I shall take a moment to introduce myself to the audience.  My name is Cliff Legend, well not really but I think that it would be inappropriate for me to really divulge who I am because if you really know who I am then maybe you wouldn't be able to read this and get any substance or interest from it.  I think that's a big flaw in how people operate, everyone is looking for the alterior motive in everyones actions, "where are people coming from?" Everyone wonders.  I wonder if this began in the middle ages, when the Kings raised taxes did all the peasants say, "Shit dude, He probably is feeling lousy about himself so he needs to take it out on us. His wife put on like 14 pounds and he can't even get wireless service in the castle to watch sweet Dark Ages interweb porn."  I doubt it.  My theory is that this 'reading in between the lines' began when away messages started becoming prevelant.  Anyone who's ever had a crush on someone in the digital age knows all about reading into away messages.  "Aw Dude, shes using the quote from Dashboard Confessional" I recall myself thinking..."She must be sad about Something" and then that would translate to me or whomever I was consulting all torn up about something they may or may not have said to the girl in question. The worst was the disapearance tho.  I can recall many many occasions being in the heat of a flirty conversation and saying something that was particularly clever or maybe a little bit of a boundry pusher of a joke and then all of a sudden shed be gone.  It would go down like this

Hotchick653: You are sooo funnay, I Do wear that type of underwear

CliffLegend: Ha Ha, Maybe one day i could see that underwear on you LOL?

Then there would be like 2 minutes of silence

during which i would pace around, omg did i just offend her?

CliffLegend: Ha ha ha sooo

Then another 3 minutes would pass.  I'd probably be sweating at this point.

CliffLegend: Hello???????????????

But then. As if a gift from God.

  Hotchick653 is now considered idle

And Id be like PHEW, She just stepped away.  But all this stress from not knowing what is going on really plays havoc on a 15 year old boys mind. And thus I began reading into what people are thinking.

Now-a-days, I, personally don't really sweat the AIM demons like that, my girlfriend is far too upfront about things.  Which leads to a whole other set of issues. Example.

CliffLegend: Hey baby whats up? are you lookin Cute?

MsLegend653: Im soooooooo busy, so much work, Do Not Want homework. i do not have time for your sheninanigans

CliffLegend: Ha Ha, maybe one day I can see that underwear on you LOL

MsLegend653: OMG IM TRYING TO GET MY ULTRA DOCTORATE AND MY BOYFRIENDS A FUNCTIONING RETARD.

(Ms Legend is big on Caps lock.)

So this leads me into my 2nd point, how to know when to stop.

While I often break this rule, as exampled above, my girlfriend has to put up with me, it does not behoove the single female or male to press too hard with a person that they are interested in.

I present 3 simple rules to Always Be Smooth.

Rule 1. Listen, think of things that are interesting to Them and then get them talking about it.  Me, for instance, I like to talk about how awesome I am, so a good way to get into my Michigan T shirt is ask a question like "Do you know anyone who is really awesome?"  "Does your awesomeness come naturally or did you have to work at it?"  

Rule 2. Don't talk shit about their friends unless they do it first.  Never want to offend/alienate/harass someone as you are trying to court them and people are very defensive about their friends because they reflect directly on them in most cases.  And just a helpful tip, if you hate someone you like's friends and they see something positive in them, maybe you are not as smart as you think you are mister.

Rule 3. Dont Jerk off when you're talking to someone online unless specifically asked to.

Seriously.

Soooo the same AIM conversation properly done would be

CliffLegend: Hey baby, what up, are you looking cute??

MsLegend653: Omg I am soooo busy, so much work, DO NOT want Homework, I do not have time for your sheninangians.

CliffLegend: Oh Im so sorry to hear that you feel that way, What type of work do you have? Is it for school?

MsLegend653: OMG IM TRYING TO GET MY ULTRA DOCTORATE AND MY BOYFRIEND IS A FUNCTIONING RETARD

(Should have noted that even if you follow the rules correctly if you're stupid they wont help you much.)

Anyway, I hope this is a decent start, I generally don't put out on a first date but hey. Maybe this blogging will turn into a quite decent career.

xoxo 

C.Legend